In My Haunted Eyes
by Kanna37
Summary: "My name is Kagewaki – Lord Hitomi Kagewaki.  And once, it was also Naraku. In a way." Angsty look into one of Naraku's most forgotten victim's state of mind.


**In My Haunted Eyes**

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

-oOo-

My name is Kagewaki – Lord Hitomi Kagewaki. And once, it was also Naraku.

In a way.

Oh, I was not truly that evil half-youkai, rather, that being made me a part of _him_. I had no choice in the matter, and all I could do was watch in horror the things that hanyou did to others while wearing my likeness.

I had never been one for cruelty – blame that on my mother. My father certainly had. He didn't care for my soft heart, as he called it, insisting that as his heir, I had to be harsh to be able to rule well.

I didn't agree then, and I agree even less, now.

It's ironic – my father would have strongly approved of Naraku, had he been human. But for myself, while I knew that a certain strict code of honor and stern nature was necessary to keep those under my rule from becoming cruel and dishonorable, the mean nature that my father and Naraku exhibited weren't really necessary.

They did it simply because they enjoyed hurting those around them – and destroying lives.

To me, it was like living in the depths of hell.

I learned a great many things, however, when I was trapped inside that foul spider. Most important, and first on the list, is that, contrary to the opinion of many, the kami are not kind. Their very nature makes them sharp, and disinclined to sympathy or concern for those so far beneath them. I think that their single act of compassion was what gifted the world with its purest heart...

Higurashi, Kagome... the Shikon no Miko.

Despite the fact that I was almost totally at the mercy of the youkai I'd found myself swallowed by, the one thing he couldn't rid himself of, just as with the wild-thief Onigumo, was my human heart. And whether he liked it or not, my humanity and gentle nature did sometimes affect him.

That's why, no matter how much Naraku himself wished Kagome dead, he could never actually kill her – I stayed his hand.

It also left him conflicted within himself.

The truth about Naraku was that, as many lower-level youkai as he swallowed, they were pretty much mindless creatures, and so caused him no troubles once absorbed. But I? I was human, true... but I had a mind... and it didn't disappear into the ether when I was swallowed, as much as Naraku had hoped it would. It was the same thing with Onigumo. As much as he wished us both gone, he couldn't get rid of us. And so that made us three beings in one... and two of us were human – with the capacity for love.

Of course, Onigumo was a corrupt human, which was how this whole mess was started. That made his love for the cold miko, Kikyou, corrupt as well. My own feelings, however, the ones that grew so slowly over the months that I watched everything, pretty much helpless and immobile from within my prison, were _not_ corrupt.

I truly loved the miko called Kagome.

As much as it might seem like it, though, I wasn't a fool. I knew she would never be for me. It wasn't possible any longer to separate me from Naraku, and because of that, I would share his fated death. The only thing I could hope for was that I could influence things just enough that the one thing worth the heavens would survive Naraku's machinations to be happy - once he and I and Onigumo were gone.

That she would get to live the life she so hoped for.

Over the months of my imprisonment in hell, there were very few things to cherish – but there _were_ a few. A _very_ few times when I knew that Kagome saw past Naraku in my haunted eyes, and to the heart of _me_, Lord Kagewaki. It showed in the compassion and sadness in her gaze at those few times, and I held that compassion for me to my heart in my darkest hours. It let me know that at the least, I wasn't forgotten completely, that if only to a single person, I _had_ lived, once, though I never would again.

That compassion was my salvation, truly, because it let me know that she, at least, didn't blame me for the crimes committed against the world, though it was my likeness that presided over them. And when the end finally came, it was the warmth of her compassion that carried me into the other world, giving me the peace I'd been denied for so long.

And even though I'm no longer among the living, I will always watch over her, finding my own happiness in her joy. As strange as it might seem to some, though she loves another and always will, I cannot find it in my heart to be jealous – because all I want is for her to be happy.

Maybe, once she passes on, too, we can meet without Naraku between us...

As friends. I would like that. I would even befriend her husband; as the being that made her so happy, he earned my thanks many times over.

The only reason I can find to grieve for the thoughts of her death, is that the world will lose her light, and no one else will know her warmth.

That is surely a crime.

Still... there is always reincarnation. Someday, she will be reborn, and her light will once again shine on the earth. I can only hope that I am also reborn at that time, so that I can know her and befriend her as I never could in this life.

That would be the closest to heaven, I think, that I would ever get.

And maybe, in another life, I can dare to dream that she will love me...

As I love her now... and always will.

-oOo-

A/N: I just couldn't resist this one. I came across this little MEP on youtube – a Naraku/Kagome one, and though that pairing is rather creepy, I watched it, and a certain part of it caught me... the sad look on Naraku's stolen face in several scenes. And that got me to thinking about the Lord whose body he snatched in the beginning in order to destroy the taijiya village – Lord Kagewaki. If Onigumo's heart was still inside after he'd been swallowed, what about Kagewaki's?

That's how this was born. Though, of course, I took the whole 'feelings for Kagome' thing from thin air... it just struck me as a better fit than Naraku/Kagome. So the readers can take this as my alternate view on that pairing... and as a chance for that poor, doomed Lord to reach out and let others know that he still exists... somewhere. In truth, I feel really bad for him, unlike Onigumo – because Onigumo had an evil heart to begin with... and the Lord didn't.

Amber


End file.
